Someone Else’s Atrocious Story
What up man? How are things out there in Cleveland? They been rough for me man, I don’t mind tellin y’all. I’m so damn grateful that I have someone to talk to. My girl up and left me last week. You believe that shit? I mean damn what a year. My momma dies, my bro in a coma because of some middle-eastern crazy and then up outta the blue, she just ghosts me. I wake up one day and she just gone. Somehow she packed all her crap up and got out the door before I even noticed. How could someone be so cold like that? I give the best years of my life and she just up and disappears! Anyway. How are you and Charnelle? Haven’t seen you talk about her in a while on Facebook. You still into all that fantasy shit? I member back in high school, you hung out with them dweeby kids. Always thought you were cool, man, don’t know why you killed your reputation by hanging with those kids. Anyway. I guess the reason I asked was I’ve been into something a little weird and I figger you’d probably be the best person to ask because of all the nerdy D&D stuff you used to do. Anyway. Hit me back man. Peace.
I have to say, I’m a little surprised to hear from you. I was shocked to see you send me a friend request on Instagram, but then seeing your DM asking for my email? I thought you hated me in high school. I mean, I wasn’t super thrilled about you either, but you really went out of your way to torment some of my really close friends. Was that email supposed to be an apology? I would really hope so.
Yes. I still play D&D. Although it goes far beyond that game. We have all kinds of games we play now. Yes, I still play with those “dweebs”, Mark, Winston, Steve, and Clinton. And yes, if you continue to make fun of them I will block your email and everything you have on social media. Your girl won’t be the only one to ghost you. Please ask what you want and don’t play act like we’re friends.
Sorry if that was harsh. How’s Cincinnati?
Pretty harsh man. I mean that was high school; what like three years ago? People change. Damn. I won’t make fun of any of your stupid dweeby things anymore. Anyway. Cincy’s pretty strange. It’s not much different from High School in Columbus. I liked working at the mechanic’s shop. The owner was dope. Dude never really cared what I did. Then his damn son in law took over. Dude’s blacker than night, and just has that fake smile ya know? Swear he only fired me because he wanted to bring his damn rap friends around. Anyway. I know. I kinda popped up outta nowhere, huh? I was just thinking back on old times, ya know? Thinking ‘bout how I never really reached out to you when I probably should’ve. You’re a really smart dude. Which is a damn stupid thing to be, by the way. Anyway. You’re smart, and you read a lot, and you play those games. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard you talk about fighting things like ghosts and vampires and stuff. And Zombies. You guys fought zombies. Anyway. You know about that stuff?
Gee, I wonder why your girl left you. Not like you spout out that hate stuff. Yes, we‘ve had campaigns against undead. I’m surprised you know about “dweeby” stuff like that. And I have to say, the fact that you think being smart is not good, is frankly…well I guess it makes sense. So what brought this on? Why are you reaching out? What do you want?
Dude. That was harsh. I’m just talkin’ here. Why you so aggro? Anyway. I wanted to run something by you. I was thinking about how when we were freshman, you let me copy off your test in math class. We was a damn good team dude. We crushed that year bro, we worked so good as a team! I got something to make us a team again! Like, that really good team we were! Hit me up.
You told me you would beat me up if I didn’t give you the test answers. We weren’t a team. You were a bully and I was the bullied. Sorry for being harsh, but come on man, you have to realize this. And I don’t need to hit you up, man, we’ve been emailing for days now. What. Do. You. Want?
Ah it’s all good man. Like I said we were in high school. People change. Anyway. I got this…story. It’s a weird one dude. Serious crazy, but it sounded like the crazy in one of your games you nerds play, so I figger I’d ask you to listen to it and give me some pointers. Nothin big. Lemme know.
I think I immediately regret this. But. I’ll listen to your story. Before I do, though, I need to set some ground rules, man. No more disparaging remarks about my friends and me. No more racist crap. No more foul language. If you think you can follow this then … go ahead. I know this is against my better nature, but I have to say that I’m kind of curious to see what you’ve come up with.
You made the right call, bro. I mean, I wasn’t bein that bad. But I feel you on the swear words. I know I’m…crappy at that. See what I did there! Anyway. Here’s the story.
I’m a serial killer. I wasn’t always that way, but then disease hit the land and I don’t have a choice. I kill zombies. I hunt those fools down and kill they ass. The disease hit America hard. The politicians caused it. They lied they ass off so well, that the disease was able to take everything over.
It started slow. Just a dude seeing something strange in a dark alley, or a zombie poppin’ up in the park and people go out and kill it. Sure everyone knew ‘bout the disease, but the point was that you kept your distance from it. If it came near you? You smashed that zombie fool head in. Everyone knows, you get bitten by a zombie, you become one. Swear to Christ, some of them crazy people actually wanted that zombie lovin’. Goin’ out, hanging with their zombie bitch. But you know damn well what happens when someone gets bitten by the zombie disease. They become a zombie themselves.
I ‘member the first time I saw a zombie. I swear they was nothing scarier than that first night. The night of my first kill.
I was changing some transmission fluid on a cherry Chevy Charger. My head was stuck up under the damn chassis. I heard the thing shuffle in. You see that’s what they do. They don’t walk, no sir, they shuffle. I heard ‘em shuffle in, but I couldn’t believe that one had the balls to come into my shop. Then I felt its hand on my foot. It was pullin’ me out from under the car. I freaked the fuck out! It was so ugly, so rotten, so smelly. Just ugly lookin’ you know? I freaked. I was so scared I’d get some of its slobber on me, then it would only be a matter of time before I fell in with their crowd. I grabbed a tire iron. I turned and gave everything I had into that damn iron. The first strike knocked the beast over. I don’t think that ugly light was out of its unholy eyes till the third or fourth blow. I hid the body. I mean I had to. I couldn’t call the attention of the other zombies.
Wow! You leave it like that? You don’t follow that up with anything? Dang man. It’s a pretty intense story. I mean you have some huge flaws in your writing style, but creativity wise…you’ve taken a really out of date trope and…copied it. BUT, you have me wondering what comes next. So what comes next?